lundi 2 juin 2008
So, here I am, sitting in the apartment, writing the final entry for my blog in Paris, packing my bags, and watching the French Open on TV at the same time.
As quickly as the journey had approached, it has departed, taking me along the way to enjoy this magnificent ride.
I wish I had something witty and insightful to say at this moment, but the words escape me, even my thoughts have fled elsewhere, probably the consequence of trying to do three things at the same time.
What to say about Paris? After a total of five months here (including three in 2006), it's a beautiful city, a city with a monumental past and a present filled with tremendous wonder and yet a lonely sadness. Tourists flock to the city of the Seine for good reasons, but those who inhabit and work in it often share the same feeling of hopelessness in the city of lights. Perhaps it’s like this in any city where those who come overwhelm those who stay, but after all, people are people, we have the same desires and goals, no matter if we live in Paris or elsewhere.
In the past two months, I have shared these feelings of wonder, excitement, anxiety, loneliness, and sadness. In the end, I am leaving very content, having accomplished all I had wanted. Even though I still don’t know Paris in and out, I know it well enough now that at this moment I don’t have the desire to return for another long engagement. Of course, I will return for visits to see friends and to enjoy the atmosphere and the food, but it’s time to move on.
For 2009, I’m hoping to spend a couple of months in Taiwan, exploring my native country, something which I really haven’t done. In the short term, I will continue to study French and to start a film project with a friend in New York that will launch my film career and take me back to Taiwan next year.
I can’t define precisely what I am taking back to San Francisco, other than the two suitcases that have nearly the exact same content as when I arrived because the exchange rate between the dollar and the euro has discouraged me from making any significant purchases in Paris, except for several additional French books. But in my mind, what accompanies me on my return is a new attitude about myself, a belief that I am not necessarily who I think I am, and that is a good thing for someone who doesn’t often see clearly into the mirror.
So it is with great content that I pack my bags. Unlike last time, there is no more anxiety. Even though I can’t always dictate what happens in my life, I look forward to the next challenge, as long as it isn't a hike in the mud.
I am happily moving on.
