My journey is nearly 25% over, hard to believe but true. So what have I done? That's the question I've been asking myself the past few days, and it has led to anxiety and doubt more than anything else.
As you know, I have the tendency to want to arrive at a solution instantaneously, like the day before the problem presents itself. What, then, do I want at this moment? I want to speak French fluently, to have finished the second draft of my script (that's a lie, I want to be directing the film already), to have met lots of French people, to have taken tons of amazing photos, to have walked everywhere in Paris. In reality, what among these have I done?
In the past couple of days, I have noticed that when I'm spending time studying French or working on my script (only did it once so far), I felt guilty about not taking walks and getting lost in the city; and when I'm meeting and talking to a local Frenchie, I remind myself that I haven't studied French in two days and that I have barely touched my camera. Yes, I know how to drive myself (and other people) crazy.
How am I going to stay out (or get out) of the cuckoo's nest? Not sure, but I need to prioritize things a bit. The most important things I wanted to do were to learn French and to continue work on my script. Have I done either? Sure, I've learned lots of French, even very useful bad words which I hope to incorporate into my daily vocabulary when I return to San Francisco, and I've also started just a little bit on my second draft - I decided that one character would be a nanny and that her boyfriend would be a photographer's assistant.
I've also met some interesting French people - Elisabeth, Thomas, Luyang, Didier's friends Patrick, Julien, Marion, Sylvain, and Isabelle. They're not my best friends yet, but I've met them. And yes, the camera has been used. I haven't taken thousands of pictures yet, but I'm 50 closer.
So actually, I have done a bit of everything I've wanted to, and I've got over 75% of my time here to write a bit more, study a bit more, walk a bit more, photograph a bit more, meet a bit more, and give myself a break a lot more. Much, much more.
Hey, I've also kept up with this blog. I've done more than I thought. Somebody, reach your arm across the Atlantic and give me a pat on the back.
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